New Car, Caviar, Four-Star Daydream

Whoever out there believes that money can solve all of their problems and make them happier is a fool. There’s a reason the phrase “Money can’t buy you happiness” exists and chances are, the core reason of that is something called ‘interest’.

Interest is a bitch with many other whores.

I know that the rant you are about to read is probably redundant and most likely those of you reading it are going to point the finger at me saying this whole thing is my fault; however, I have a feeling that many others are in the same boat with me and will enjoy jumping in on the hatred and anger towards interest and the almighty student loan debit.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who – while in high school- was seduced by college scouts and was told that she would be making a large sum of money by obtaining a job that required a degree. The scout told her that he knew many places that she could go to obtain said degree. The price was extremely high; however, the scout informed her that with the ‘high paying job’ she would most definitely receive, she could EASILY pay it off in a matter of a few short years.

The idiot girl bought into it.

A quick four years later, the girl left the collegiate institution with a degree in hand. Eager to begin her ‘high paying job’ she applied to every place she could get her hands on, flashing her degree saying “Look at what education I have! Surely you need someone such as myself on your growing team!”

She was met with a recession and the highest unemployment rate since the depression.

Confused, she turned to her school and said, “What gives people?”

They responded, “Not our fault. Our task was to provide you with an education, and we did just that.”

The girl then turned to her student loan sharks and said, “How can I repay you? I have no ‘high paying job’?”

The loan sharks responded, “We don’t care, give us our money back times three, bitch!”

“Times three?” the girl inquired.

“Yes, you are required to pay interest. So that means not only do you have to pay back $53,000 you must pay back an additional $80,000 in interest, ” the sharks replied.

“That doesn’t make sense that I borrowed only $50,000 and have to pay you back $130,000,” the girl quivered back.

“Welcome to banking,” the sharks responded.

“With the job that I have, I can only afford to make small payments, will you accept that?” the girl pleaded.

“Yes, and we will hold you to it for the next 80 or so years until it is fully paid,” the shark snapped back.

“Eighty years!” the girl cried. “I will be 104 years old before I can pay off my loans!” the girl sobbed.

“Welcome to life,” the shark said with a slap in the face.

Depression soon followed the girl everywhere she went. With such a large debt and such a little income, her credit score began to drop immensely causing her to be unable to qualify for credit cards and prevent her from living on her own. Utilities for an apartment do a credit check before allowing you to use their gas or water. With bad credit, our fearless heroine is unable to live on her own.

One night, while dreaming in her childhood bed at her parents’ home where she lives, a small, older, short, green man came to her and said, “Deferment try must you.” He said his name was Yoda.

So the young girl sought out deferment only to find the interest continues to grow causing her $130,000 repayment to enlarge beyond her wildest dreams! The girl broke down and began to sob.

“How can I ever repay this?” she screamed through tears.

The world doesn’t seem to care. In fact, the world instead blames the girl for ever taking on such large loans to begin with an allowing herself to be swallowed by debt. “You brought this upon yourself, so don’t complain about it,” the on-lookers scuff.

Trapped, lost, and broke, the girl has nothing more to do than to continue working 30 hours a week for $7 an hour hoping that times will change and she will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Life (and interest) suck.


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