I have come across many people in my life who have ‘always been on my side’.
The reason I say it that way is because they are really on no one’s side and even if you ask them to pick an opinion all on their own, they sort of just pick the one you have.
For example, Martha is a co-worker/school mate/friend/acquaintance/whatever and you tell Martha that you love chocolate cake. “Oh! I love chocolate cake too! It’s totally the best!” and you continue on for about 20 mins. discussing your shared love of chocolate cake.
Three days later, you, Martha and Sue are talking and Sue remarks, “I love vanilla cake! Chocolate sucks!” All of a sudden, you hear Martha saying, “Oh I know! Vanilla is totally the way to go! Chocolate is disgusting!”
Martha, sadly, is not only on your side with chocolate, she’s now on Sue’s side with vanilla. How can this be?! So, you might question Martha and say, “But earlier this week, you said you loved chocolate?”
This is when the back-peddling and further, precise explaining comes in. Now, it’s something like, “Well, only certain chocolate cakes are okay. I mean, my mom’s chocolate cake is the best cause you know, it’s mom’s. But like, vanilla is just something that I think everyone loves. Like, it’s just a rule, you know?”
Really. Awesome. So, you might probe a little farther, “Oh, cause you didn’t seem to mention vanilla at all earlier. I mean, you said it was bland.” And you just get more lies back, “Oh, well that’s because you were talking about it and I thought you meant like general chocolate and just general vanilla because…”
This continues on for pretty much every topic that you touch on from movies, to music, to reading selections, or even other people. Martha might ‘like’ Sue but hates Kim until she talks to Kim then Martha becomes the devil.
It’s hard to keep up with it all. Furthermore, you find yourself really wondering why the hell you continue to talk with this person. It doesn’t matter to me if you like chocolate or vanilla – who cares?! But if you can’t be honest with me about your feelings on flavors what happens when you get something big and important like, you know, morals. I think it’s wrong to steal and you might feel that way with me but when you get caught stealing with Judy over there you’re gonna have some serious issues. Luckily, they won’t involve me, but I don’t need a mirror of a friend, I want a real friend… like a person with their own ideas/thoughts/ponderings.
A person doesn’t always have to be on your side to be someone you trust, like, or confide in. But they do have to be honest and consistent.
So, while I’m sure you enjoy being on my side for everything, please be on someone else’s if you’re going to be fake.