While I’ve had many firsts, I’ve had just as many (if not more) lasts.
I’ve had plenty of lasts when it comes to school. I mean, I spent about 17 years in school. While I always had a last day of the school year, there was a last day of school period. The day that I graduated college, was the last day that I spent doing anything school related.
It was a big hole for me. I mean, 17 years… school is all that you know at that point. When it ended, a lot of things changed for me.
There have been a couple of those ‘last day in this house/apartment’ sort of moments. You set up camp and call it your home for a while, but eventually, you move on. The last day.
I’ve had a few jobs in my time as well. I’ve had a ‘last day of working here’ day.
I think the last days are harder than having the first days. The firsts are always so nervous and overwhelming.
The last days; however, are more nostalgic. At least they are for me.
The ending of something always takes me back to the beginning.
When it came to my last day of college, I remember thinking about my first day of Kindergarten. I mean, school was so huge and big for me then. I was going to this place and was learning and making friends. I was having all of these experiences that I never had before in my house and they involved trying to get along with these other people. It’s a huge step for a five year old if you think about it.
Then there was the first days of Junior High, High School, and the first day as a Freshman in college. You sort of just look back in awe because it felt like time flew by so fast. I mean, I can still remember being so nervous about driving with a permit for the first time and having my mom in the car coaching me.
All of these thoughts are just racing through my head as I’m sitting in the gymnasium of my university for graduation. It’s just so hard to comprehend sometimes. My life. I have been living this life and I didn’t even realize it.
It’s been three years since graduation and I find it hard to believe that I’m an adult sometimes. I just don’t want to believe it. I don’t see myself as being one. I still feel like a child inside who doesn’t know or understand anything about life and what it all means.
With some of the lasts that I experience, I think back to who I was when it all began. I see how I’ve grown and changed. I see how something that was once so exciting and nervous and anxious for me in the beginning has become something else entirely. Sometimes, on my last days I think of the great memories that I’ve had and how I’ll miss everything. I’ll miss the smells or the way the sunlight entered my apartment. I’ll miss running up the stairs or seeing Mike in the breakroom to clock in.
Other times, I’m thankful that I don’t have to deal with Ryan anymore and how he always drives me insane. I won’t have to ever wear a blue collared shirt (unless I want to) with black pants. I won’t have to leave smelling like popcorn and having greasy butter stuck to my shoes.
But no matter how I feel when it ends, I know that it has to end. Everything always comes to an end; nothing can go on forever. But what does go on forever, are the memories that I keep from the experience. Both good and bad, I’ve learned, I’ve grown. I’ve met some amazing and wonderful people and I’ve meet some devils. Both have changed me in ways I could have never imagined.
So while I might be experiencing some more lasts in my life, I’ll have with me everything that has happened in the middle.