Forever Gone

Think back to a time when you were really happy; when you were content; when you were peaceful.

I was talking with the boyfriend and we were discussing moments in our past.

We both feel a sense of disappointment about the past. Not that we regret the things we did but rather, we felt as if we weren’t paying enough attention to things.

Once upon a time, I was a young spunky little thing in college. True story. Might be hard to believe at times, but I was. I was running around trying to get things organized and take everything that I could to graduate on time. I was busting butt with studying and reading. There were some professors who really made their students work… and work hard. I swear I shed blood over some of the papers I wrote. They wanted the best out of you; to push you to your limits. It was hard and tough but I wouldn’t change a minute of it for the world.

During my senior year, I was sort of very lucky because my schedule consisted of classes that I was in love with. I had no problems going to my classes and putting in the effort and working hard because I was really enjoying it; truly enjoying my life and where I was at.

There’s this one coffee shop that I absolutely loved to visit. If I could have a business of my own, it would be this coffee shop and everything about it. I wouldn’t change even the smallest details. It was as if it were a perfectly constructed building that God put on this Earth to make me happy. He knew all the things I liked and put it in this tiny little place in my college town.

I would go there every day, get a bagel, cup of coffee, and the morning paper.

I don’t recall days ever so happy.

For lunch, there was this sub shop that I visited only about a block away from my coffee shop.

Walking was pretty much the best means of transportation and it was 100% doable. And not even in the “well, if I hike it, I COULD do it but I don’t want to” kind of sense. It was seriously the best stroll you could take through town.

I had amazing summer days of bagels, coffees, newspapers, and subs.

But what I didn’t realize at the time was how much I would cherish it as I got older.

If I could, I would have no problems time traveling back to my younger self and saying, “Hold on to this. Hold on to these moments and never let them go. Lose yourself in these feelings. You can never get them back.”

Sure, I can drive back to the coffee shop and sub shop any time. I could go tomorrow and not really have to make any plans to do it. It’s not like I have to pack and take a 6 hour drive. It’s about 40 minutes one way.

But I’m not the same person. Things aren’t the same for me.

Will that stop me from going up there again soon? No. I have full intentions of visiting these places very soon since I’m lost in all the nostalgia of it.

But, again, it will never be exactly the same. I’ve grown; I’ve changed.

I have learned from this and I will try to soak up as much as possible the next time I am there and hopefully will bring a camera with like, 3 sets of batteries to ensure that I capture everything.

But for these other moments now, I’m still trying to stop and smell the roses every now and then so that in a few years, I won’t be looking back to this moment saying that I wish I would have cherished it more.

The nights I spend with my boyfriend lounging around watching TV in our sweats; the tradition of July 4th Fireworks we’ve started; the battle over the sheets in bed. Those are all the moments to cherish and hold on to now… before they’re forever gone.

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