Four Steps Back

Something happened. I don’t know what exactly and I don’t know when, but it did. Things changed and I didn’t realize until it was too late.

I’m not usually one to get very depressed on this blog because I don’t feel it’s what people want to read. Unfortunately, we all have our low points and I’m going to share mine with you.

As I mentioned before, something happened. I don’t know if it was a thought or action or possibly even both but nevertheless, it happened.

Have you ever been in this scenario: Things in your life are moving right along, everything is changing in a very positive way, things are looking good, looking very bright and then something happens and all of a sudden, for every step forward you have taken, you now have taken – not two – but FOUR steps back?

All the progress and hard work that you have done has all been altered!

Whether the event was foreseeable or not, you still took the risk of it happening… you just either knew about it or not.

When people decide to start their own business, they know the risk: things might not work out. Whatever product it is they want to sell, they might find out consumers aren’t interested in it. The creators invest a lot of time and money in to something they think will work and then – it doesn’t.

While they might mope around for a few days before dusting themselves off and starting again, they realize that they might actually have to start from the very beginning. What hurts the most is knowing that you had come so far. You were almost there and if you didn’t already have it, you almost did! Then… something happened… and it’s all gone.

I don’t know what exactly derailed everything but I’m at the point where I realize I’ve taken four giant steps back. I mean, one or two steps I could handle… but FOUR?!

I’m so discouraged right now.

You’re probably wondering how it is that I get FOUR steps back and not the average one or two. Allow me to explain. It’s more or less a step (or two) back in a few different aspects of my life.

I’m very big into cardio and I love to run. I think it’s the most amazing thing to just get on a treadmill, or walk way, or trail, and just go. My body sort of goes into auto-pilot and I’m able to just let my body run and naturally push itself while my mind takes a vacation (a much needed breather) and I can relax. I just relax. It’s hard to believe that when I’m literally tiring out my body but, when I get done, I’m so much more calm, relaxed – and definitely tired- than I was before.

But things have changed and I wasn’t really feeling my runs like I normally do. There was one day when I got on the treadmill and it was pure misery. I’ve never felt that miserable before while doing cardio. I only did 45 minutes of it as well and it was the absolute longest 45 minutes I’ve ever experienced.

Well, today, I got my ass into gear and went to the gym to run. I wasn’t back to my normal levels and it depressed me. My body is definitely going to feel sore tomorrow and I didn’t even perform as well as I normally do.

Furthermore, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that my diet has clearly been slacking as well. I have bulges and puffs in places I shouldn’t. So now, in addition to my work-outs taking two steps back, my diet has as well.

On top of all that, personal goals that I have set for myself (my list, my reading, etc.) have all fallen to the wayside as well.

What the hell happened to me?!

How did I managed to take all of these backwards steps?!

Why didn’t I notice this?!

As I sit in my depression over it, I know that I have to start again and hopefully get back in the swing of things. But starting back further than I ever have before is definitely not the most encouraging mood.

While I’m hoping that I bounce back quickly, I’m trying to not get my hopes up for fear of being disappointed too early in the restart.

But, I will keep stepping and hopefully, they’ll continue on forward.


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