I have a lot of thoughts in my head. A lot buzzes around in there and some of it is really meaningful to me and some of it is just pure crap. Deciding which one to say can really sometimes be quite difficult.
Have you ever had those moments where you say, “That’s not what I meant”?
Probably because it sounded great in your head but when the words finally came out of your mouth, it didn’t really sound like it was supposed to. In addition, sometimes you might say, “That didn’t come out right” because, again, it sounded better on the inside than it did on the outside.
There have been one too many times when I’ve said something and I know I shouldn’t have… or it had consequences that I couldn’t foresee.
Not too long ago, I stated my opinion and it had a whole ripple effect that I never would have guessed would happen – yet it did.
But then, there is the rare occasion when you want to say something, but don’t.
You’d choose your silence over your words.
Later on, you might regret not saying them but other times, you don’t regret your silence at all.
I’ve learned that sometimes, I don’t want to say something because I might actually hear how it sounds and the feeling of that is actually quite different.
I know I’ve had a conversation with one of my girlfriends and I stated something and she said, “Yes! That’s it” and I responded, “But I want you to say it. Say it out loud.”
She paused and then she did.
“How did it feel?” I asked.
And I could immediately see that just by HER saying, by HER admitting to it – things changed.
The thoughts that I have floating in my head, I haven’t spoken out loud yet.
I don’t want to.
Others have said them, but I can’t. I don’t want to. For me, it would be solidifying my fears and my thoughts. I don’t want them to be real.
It’s like saying them makes them real.
Hearing the words with your voice makes them real.
Whether it’s something simple like, “I’m divorced” or something bigger such as, “I’m gay” – the words hold weight.
Just admitting them to yourself can also set you free of whatever prison you are holding yourself in.
You must first admit to yourself what you want to admit to the world.
Say what you want out loud… in an empty room… with just you. Hear yourself say them. Get comfortable with it. Say it in front of a mirror if you must but SAY IT.
I’ve been walking around with these thoughts for days now…
…I still can’t say them…
…at least not yet.
I’m sure I will in time but I haven’t discovered the courage.
Hopefully some day soon.
But some day, I will speak those words…
…and my world will forever change.