I stumbled upon a diary that I had a long, long time ago. I received it as a Christmas gift, 12/25/94. I was about to turn 8 in January. The last journal entry I had was 01/03/03. For almost a decade, I wrote in this diary. I’ve learned two major things from this diary: 1) my handwriting has changed immensely and 2) I haven’t.
I’m still as neurotic and over-analytic at 26 as I was at 10!
I’m thinking it’s some form of genetics… it has to be… from my father’s side.
The easier topic is that of my handwriting. I’ve received compliments on my writing. Looking back to when I was 8, I have no idea when I found the time to practice my penmanship. Sure, it was a time before computers really took over. The only places that really had a computer were libraries and I wasn’t exactly going there for the computers. We had to hand-write a lot of our work. All of our sentences we practices forming were written out. There was a time we had to write out our reports on lined paper… every other line too.
Notes were quite popular as well. Everyone passing notes back and forth… you were writing everything!
You could definitely see the evolution of my writing as the years went on. Even at the very end of the book, in 2003, my writing has changed so much since then as well. I still enjoy hand-writing a lot of things. I love doing cursive and print. I think it’s the best expression of someone. If you know how they write, you can tell a lot about a person… or at least I think so… or tell myself that anyway.
I wrote a letter to my girlfriend over the Christmas break and my mom saw the envelope that I put it in, “She’s not going to want to throw away that envelope,” she said. Confused, I asked why and she said because it looked too pretty. I was addressing an envelope and got a compliment on it!
Of all the things that have changed in my life naturally, I would have never thought it would be my penmanship. I don’t even remember practicing!
As for my neuroticism, I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I was an extremely worried child or the fact that even years later, I haven’t learned how to cope with it. I can only imagine how I would look if I wasn’t such a worrier… this is probably why I’m literally losing my hair already and have to worry about crows feet.
I read back over some of the pages and think, “Why did I worry about those things? They aren’t really all that important!” But for me, at the time, it was. Liking a boy was like… HUGE! If he liked you back, OH.MY.GOD. It was better than winning an Oscar! Fights with friends were about as bad as the apocalypse. And if there was a school dance… your life was made or broken depending on who you danced with there.
Those are the types of things I worried about.
Now, I have student loans, taxes, credit card debt, and an ever growing bald spot on my crown. THESE are real problems.
I wish I could go back in time and just tell myself to let go. Relax and have fun. You think you might want to grow up, but trust me, you don’t… you really don’t. You have more freedom as a child than you ever will as an adult… so dance, like boys, hug your friends, and never stop laughing.
Looking back on all of that, I realize that I don’t want to be the worrier at 26 either. I want to be happy and have fun. I don’t want stupid things to get me down. I don’t want to spend my life worrying. There’s days when there’s nothing to worry about yet I’ll find something… or someone else will.
I should practice on getting better as a person just as much as I apparently practiced on my penmanship. This way, when I go to write the story of my life, not only will it be pleasing to the eye, but it will also be enjoyable to read.
As for the question of life, I don’t have the answer for that. But for getting better handwriting? It’s all in the wrist.