I’ve been searching around to see if someone out there feels the same way I do, and for the most part, I’ve found that some people pick and choose their laundry… just like everything else.
Someone’s past is a big part of their his/her life; it’s what has shaped him/her to the person he/she is now. In short, it matters. It just does. Now, how much weight that past holds is a different story.
Most will agree that if a person has been convicted of murder, it’s safe to say that person is probably going to be single for the rest of his/her life… unless a lie was told somewhere.
If someone has an STD, well, that might be okay for some but not for others. It’s in the past but it’s also in the present as well. Again, it’s the weight the past carries that matters… and each event is given a weight.
It’s safe to say that if you don’t immediately enjoy the person for who they are now, you’re most likely not going to enjoy his/her past. There’s a reason they look the way they do.
Now, we all know the phrase, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” And this is also indicative of the past. We look to the dirty laundry as a way of pointing out a pattern. If a person has cheated on the past four girlfriends… are you really certain s/he won’t cheat on you?
Now I know there’s always one positive person in the room who is saying, “but people can change.”
Well, yes… this is true. But you also have to rely on this happening. And if you’re talking about your heart, your life, and your future, are you willing to put all that on to a person and hope the change was true? There’s a reason why there’s dirty laundry… it happened. This person is capable of letting this happen. You have to have some sort of caution before proceeding… it only makes sense! Look before you leap!
We all can slip. We all can make that one mistake. I get that. But again, if you only have some dirty socks, I feel it would be okay. But we’re talking a full load of laundry here.
Now, I will say that I have dirty laundry myself… I’m definitely not exempt from anything that I am going on about. I would completely understand if my laundry was held against me. I think it should be. I want to be held accountable for my actions and show that I can have this dirty laundry, not add to it, and try to at least clean what I can to the best of my abilities. But if no one will hold it against me, what’s the sense in trying?
So, the ultimate question still remains: Does it matter?
First and foremost, I feel that if you hear something, see something, or read something and you are disturbed or bothered by it for whatever reason, then yes, it matters. You shouldn’t have to convince yourself that it doesn’t. Things have bothered me for reasons I will never be able to explain; it was just physiological. My body and brain just rejected it, I couldn’t let it go, and it just bothered me. Even now, I couldn’t even express why.
Second, obviously, if it’s still in the present (think STD), then clearly, it should matter. You might be able to put it aside, but it’s going to matter. Actions have to be altered based on it, so thus, it’s important enough to matter.
Third, it matters if you or those you love are in some sort of danger or can possibly be effected by it. If this person has a whole mob after him/her, then yes, I’m sure it should matter because you and everyone you love has just become collateral damage. Think of not only your life but those around you too. Do you want to be held responsible for something that happened to them because you couldn’t tell your heart to shut the fuck up?
Now, don’t think I’ve forgotten that whole school of thought: Some things are better left unsaid.
Let’s examine that clusterfuck right there.
If you do not want to know ANYTHING about what that person has been through… you’re seriously asking to be screwed eight ways to Sunday. To blindly enter a person’s life without any indication of what that person has been through is really being naive… and for lack of a better word, stupid. There is too much pain, sorrow, and danger in this world that you cannot forego all that might have happened because of “what’s in the past is in the past.”
You can disagree with me and say that you feel ignorance is bliss… and it is, it truly is. But for me, I would at least want to know something… start off with some dirty socks and work your way up to the rest of the load, but by God, please know something!
While I might not be able to give legitimate reasons as to why it might matter or why it bothers me, at the end of the day, I don’t want to look at a whole basket… or two… of dirty laundry and ponder about how it all happened and how much more is to come. I want to know what I’m getting into and understand the dangers and risks I am taking. I want to know that I can rely on that person to admit the dirty laundry but to say they are working just as hard as me to prevent it from growing. Together, we might be able to do laundry and hopefully, we can only have a small pile between the two of us.