The dark can sometimes be rather scary because you don’t always know what’s hidden inside of it. Most of the time, it’s some sort of scary creature/demon/monster, etc. that is lurking in the dark abyss using it as a sort of camouflage. But when I was in the dark, I felt very… relieved. As if the pressure was lifted from me.
Judging eyes were not staring at me. Disappointed looks weren’t visible. Turned backs were not even felt because I didn’t know they existed.
Most people don’t want to be left in the dark, but I say – leave me.
In the darkness, I was able to say all that I had felt without the guilt of knowing (or seeing) the tears well up in someone’s eyes. I was able to speak freely of all that angered me; all that I hated.
My words didn’t even have a shape as they drifted off into the endless depths of black.
With the lights on, there’s so much that can be shown; revealed. It’s almost a very bold vulnerability and nakedness that is put out to the world when you are standing in front of someone, looking into their eyes as they tell you what they’re thinking or vice versa.
With no light, no way to see, there’s nothing there. Sure, you might rely on tone of voice, breaks or pauses… but that’s all you really have, I guess. Furthermore, if it’s just you, saying the words, it feels like it’s a release. It’s as if pressure is magically lifted from your body and you’ve lost a tremendous amount of weight that has just been clinging to your shoulders for so long.
In the darkness, everything still stays hidden… just like you want it to. Sometimes, all that you want to say aren’t even bad things. Some of it is just a secret you’ve held on to for so long. Other times, it’s a fear, sometimes, it’s a great moment you’re just embarrassed to admit to. Whatever it is you hide from the world – can now be let go.
While I didn’t sit and spew out everything I wanted to or have held in for so long, the thought of having the ability to was enough for me. The words, thoughts, and emotions were all sort of breathed out of me for that moment while I sat and just existed, in the present, for that moment.
For me, that was all I needed – just a silent moment in the darkness.