Finding the Inner Calm

Sometimes, I forget about where I’m at and all that I’ve done. I forget that I’ve come a long way in my life. I forget that my world has forever changed because of the things around me. 

I forget that I’ve learned a lot more than I give myself credit for sometimes. I know we often say to ourselves, “I have no idea what I’m doing…” and that might be true in certain cases. But then there are other moments, when you do know what you’re doing. You know  how to handle something because you’ve been there before and you’ve done it before. You know what to prepare for and you know what questions to ask. Sometimes, instead of looking back and saying, “Way to go!” you sort of just forget that part and move on to the next challenge in which you have no idea how to fix but you’re going to do the best you can.

Someone recently said to me, “You’re smart enough to see this going on… and you’re handling it quite well.” I was completely stunned by all of this. For so long I’ve been told that I don’t know what I’m doing in life or with my life that for someone to say that I’m actually recognizing something and handling it better than most, I was rendered speechless. 

I don’t know how this all came to be, but when I started to think about it, this person was right. I recognized something now that I didn’t before. Before, I thought that I was a part of the mess; that I was the one in the middle who caused everything and who was emotionally involved and couldn’t escape. Now, I realize that it has nothing to do with me; therefore, I’m free to walk away from it. I have this great luxury of walking away. Most people don’t… especially those who are really in the heart of all of it. 

But what I didn’t see (as smart as I might have been to recognize it) was that the luxury was mine. Someone else pointed that out to me, and when she did, my world changed yet again. 

It’s funny how that happens.

Most people think they have to stick around because “they just have to” or “because it’s mom” or whatever. In reality, we don’t have to – and that’s okay.

If someone is having problems with their job and they bring it to you, you can be there to offer support but don’t feel like you have to fix things. It’s up to that person to act and do something about it. If they choose not to, and remain in the position they are in, you have the luxury to walk away. Now, don’t think you’re abandoning them –  you’re 

not. You simply have the freedom to leave something you’re not tied down to.

There’s only so much we can do.

You can provide only so much to them before the rest of it actually falls on that person to act. If you want change, you can either sit and wait for it to happen – no matter how long that may take – or you can be the change.

Walking away is something we should remember that we have a choice to do.

You can still love the people in  your life. You can still be supportive of them. You can be there for them. You can still hang out with them. But realize that there might come a time when you h

ave to walk away from them – for their own good.

People are capable of solving their own problems, you know. I tend to forget that. I tend to worry about a lot of people in my life… some of those people don’t even know how much I worry about them. But again, I have to walk away at some point. I have to say that I’ve done all I can; I can’t do any more for you. 

I have my life to worry about. As of now, I don’t really have all of my shit together but I’m working on it. In order to work on my shit, I have to walk away from yours. I have a few goals lined up for myself and I have to start working on them now. I’ve given all that I can. My mental health, emotional health, and medical health are all dependent on me working on me. So, that’s what I have to do right now.

My goal is to find my inner calm; my inner peace. I want to be okay with things and I want to work on the things I’m not okay with. I want to focus on what I want in life and what makes me really happy. 

There are some moments when I know I’ll be okay;  I just feel it. But there are other times when I don’t. I want to work on feeling okay all of the time. I would have never thought that in order to do that, I might have to walk away from things. I might have to turn my focus on things I want to do and start doing them NOW instead of doing them “after this is taken care of.” I don’t have the luxury of time, but I do have the luxury to walk away. 

That’s great to say again and again, “I have the luxury to walk away.”

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