I’ve been having more and more discussions on how there are people in my life that don’t really see me in the same way I see them. There are a lot of people out there who mean a lot to me. I’m pretty sure they know because… others recognize it.
“S/He really means a lot to you… I can tell,” they say.
Yes, s/he does. But if you were to go up to that person and try to have a discussion about me… I’m sure you would find, it’s not mutual.
“I can tell you love him/her,” they’ll say.
And yes, yes I do. But I don’t think the love is reciprocated. It’s shocking to find this out.
Now, I know what you’re all thinking, “But how do you know this?”
And let me tell you.
I was on the internet the other day satisfying my need for new information and I certainly found some. There are people out there who believe actions speak louder than words. Shocking, I know. And if you were to look at the actions of myself towards someone else, it would be clear that I care for this person – a lot. Some of the actions I have done were even in this very article!
So, I did the assessment in reverse… not so comforting.
People do things (or don’t do things) for two reasons: 1) Because they want to or 2) Because they feel they have to.
For example, you and your friend go over to someone’s house for a movie night or gathering or whatever. Therefore, you feel that you have to invite him/her over because that same courtesy was extended towards you. Or, you might invite him/her over because you want to!
Now, the question is: How do you know it’s the former and not the latter?
Simple, if you never get invited back and thus – you don’t invite him/her back, then you know. Make sense?
Some people feel that it is their obligation to do something nice. Other than that, if the invite isn’t extended – it’s not wanted.
What I find to be really interesting is that I thought this was mutual! Here I was thinking the entire time that this person felt the same way about me as I did them! Apparently, I was wrong the entire time!
And to feel like such a fool!
I know I’m being all vague and whatnot but it sort of just feels like this veil had been lifted from my eyes and now I truly see what has been lying in front of me the entire time! I’m finding out via internet that these feelings were never mutual! I’m finding out that everything I was believing, for years – FOR YEARS – has been wrong.
I had my suspicions, no doubt, and when I took them to others, they felt I was overreacting, which, I can understand because I do that occasionally.
Needless to say, my heart is broken. I don’t want to be someone that another person has to ‘put up with’. I don’t want to be acknowledged simply because this person has no choice but to.
My heart has been aching a lot… and it almost feels like it’s a soreness after a workout… but I know that it’s aching because it was hurt from someone else. There’s a very lonely road that lies ahead of me due to recent revelations and it’s a road I’m forced to walk, no longer naive to the reasons of why.