When Did I Start Caring?

I know that I just recently wrote about being fed up and how there’s only so much a person can take. But I wanted to back it up for a bit and start at the beginning.

In order to not care anymore, you had to start caring in the first place.

If you didn’t care then, and you don’t care now… you can’t really be ‘fed up’ because you never cared in the first place.

So, when did I start caring?

When did it all change and become important to me? When I learned more? When I saw others caring? When it finally broke down my wall and my defenses?

I think it all starts with time.

If you find something worth spending your time on, then you start to care.

Say you start a garden. You plant the seeds, water them, watch over them. Give them sun and sing to them. After a while, they will start to grow and eventually bloom. By this time, you’ve invested quite some time in them. You’ve dedicated your precious minutes to them day after day. You became attached.

So if someone comes along and burns down your greenhouse, you’re going to be a little pissed. Granted, it’s just plants and you can always grow them again. But you’ve already invested so much time in them. You’ve become dedicated. You looked forward to it even when some plants didn’t make it. Others succeeded and you were happy that your hard work paid off with something so beautiful.

And then it was destroyed.

To bring it all back around… it’s time.

Time spent away from everything else, tv, facebook, movies, etc. to garden.

You might have had a friend come in with you and help you out with your gardening but it was yours. You were there when they were seeds and you were there all through their growth and development.

We tend to really value our time. We want to make sure we invest it properly in something that will make us happy. We’re all longing to find some happiness no matter how fleeting it may be. And for that period of time, when you were out there with your plants, you were happy. It almost became a ritual or meditation.

It was yours.

You deemed it worth your valuable time.

So when things in your life – that you’ve dedicated time to –  starts to become stressful or irritating, then we become frustrated. We cared and things aren’t working out anymore.

Maybe your plants continued to die no matter what you tried to do. Changing the fertilizer, adding Miracle Grow… nothing helped. You were out there, day after day, trying your hardest and damnedest to get them to grow, and they wouldn’t.

This then leads to being fed up.

See how it all circles around?

First there comes time.

Then caring and attachment.

Finally being fed up.

And to think it all started with the best of intentions.

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