Ducks in a Row

I had all my ducks in a row. I lined those fuckers up real nice.

Somewhere along the lines, my ducks got minds of their own.

Some have wandered off, some have gone for a swim, some have completely flown away, and I’m only left with a mere TWO DUCKS that are actually listening to me.

I don’t know how this happened. Everything was going right until it wasn’t.

I tried, you guys, I really did. I like to be prepared. I like to know what’s going on. I like to know what the fuck is up. Which is why I lined my duckies up in the first place!

Everyone has their ‘ducks’ lined up at some point. Everyone’s ducks represent something different for everyone else; everyone has a different amount of ducks.

Here were mine:

– Move in with the boyfriend

– Move out of my parent’s place

– Find a really great job

– Turn said job into a career

– Be happy

– Get my shit together and start working on my list again

The only two ducks that actually stuck around were #1 and #2. Fred and Dave as I call them. All the others… gone somewhere without telling me!

Okay, so I don’t know what your ducks are and I don’t know if you have them in line either – or if they’re listening. But my question to the world is how do I get my ducks to listen to me and get back in their respective places in the row?

I’m hunting these little jabronies down and I’m not too happy about it. I would rather be watching Dexter than chasing around my ducks AFTER the fact that I put them in a row… again.

I can tell you right now, if this is how it’s going to be with children, just count me out. I can’t even keep DUCKS in place let alone a CHILD! Oh the life lessons I am learning.

But, again, I ask: how do I get my ducks back in a row?

Someone told me to do that whole thing where you count to three and hopefully their asses would be scared and they’d get into place.

This didn’t work.

Another said to let them wander. They’ll come back whenever they’re good and ready. I am not in the mood to wait.

So, I chase the waddling boogers down… or at least attempt to. I haven’t been so successful with it yet.

This is a plea to the world: Please help share your secrets on how to get my duckies in a row and KEEP THEM THERE!

Thank you in advance.

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