Did I or Didn’t I?

For work, I usually wake up about 5:45 a.m. However, I don’t actually wake up until about 9 a.m.

This is a problem because I don’t really remember all that happened from 5:45 a.m. and 9 a.m. I’ll have difficulty differentiating if it really happened or if I dreamt it happened. Furthermore, my mornings blend in since I do a lot of the same things every day.

I really, really, really, have a problem remembering putting on deodorant.

Here’s why. I don’t immediately put it on right out of the shower because when I go to get dressed, I have deodorant marks all over my clothes. So, I usually dress and then put it on.

You think it would be a straight shot… but it isn’t.

While I’m getting dressed, my boyfriend is up too so we’re working around each other and we’re talking about what we need to remember or what we need to do today. Sometimes we’ll talk about what we dreamt about and my mind goes a million and one places.

By time I actually ‘wake up’ I begin to think if I actually put it on.

This is how it usually goes:

I remember putting it on yesterday… or wait… was that today?

I remember grabbing the facial lotion NEXT to the deodorant… but did I grab the deodorant too?

I had to have put the lotion back and since it’s next to it, I must have grabbed it.

I don’t remember ACTUALLY putting it on though.

I cranked it up to get more out…. or wait….. was that yesterday?

Did I even wear deodorant yesterday?

And you would think that by time I get to work, I would just run into the bathroom and check.

But nope!

By time I get to work, I’m all involved in what I have to do that I don’t even remember to check for it.

The only time I truly find out if I put deodorant on is either when I’m changing into my night clothes or the next day before I get into the shower.

By then, it doesn’t even matter if I put it on or not.

Now – I know you might be thinking, “Just carry a small one with you like I do.”

Yup. I’ve thought of that as well.

I’ve actually done it; however, I don’t know exactly what I do with my purse but the deodorant always manages to get the top off, smear around the inside of my purse before the white deodorant itself pops out separating from the case and causing mayhem within my purse.

I’ll find this out while I’m in Walmart reaching for my wallet and find a well scented, overly coated wallet inside my purse.


So yea, I don’t do that anymore. I just rely on my ever failing memory of whether or not I actually put on fucking deodorant in the morning.

For future reference…. don’t stand close to me.



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