Flashbacks

flashbacks-sadness-memoriesThere’s something I want to talk about that might seem kind of weird. I don’t know if I’m the only person experiencing this or not. There’s been a lot going on in my life right now and I feel as if my head was shaken like a snow globe and everything is swirling around.

I was at work the other day, and I was reading an eBook on the material that I’m going to be writing about; studying my craft. While I was reading, out of nowhere came this flashback:

I was in elementary school and it was during recess. The other kids and I were playing dodge ball. But not the regular dodge ball, it was Army dodge ball. To refresh some memories, Army dodge ball’s rules were if you got hit in the arm, you were no longer able to ‘use that arm’ during the rest of the game. If you got hit on any part of your main body, you were out. And, of course, there was head-safety so, if you got hit in the head, it didn’t count as an out.

So, we’re playing this game and a boy from my team threw the ball across the line and hit this little red headed girl in the chest. Naturally, the entire team and then some screamed, “YOU’RE OUT!” Well, this little girl just wasn’t having it. With attitude, she replied, “No, there’s still my head.” She was met with a roar of shouts, “There’s head-safety, there’s head-safety!” Back and forth we argued until the same boy on my team picked up the ball, wailed it at the girl, and whacked her right in the head. He looked at her and shouted, “WELL NOW YOU’RE OUT!”

Pretty funny memory, huh?

I’m surprised I still remembered it. I’m even more surprised that I remembered as many details as I did.

But – it came out of nowhere. I couldn’t even tell you what triggered it.

As I go through the rest of my day, I’ll continue to have these flashbacks of past events and I don’t know what’s setting them off.

Sometimes, I’ll just force it out of my mind if I’m doing something important… like driving.

But for the most part, I’ll just sit through the memory and re-live it for that moment.

What is most amazing is how I can remember every detail from these memories. Every single one.

I found a photo on my computer and I can tell you immediately what was going on in that picture and what happened that day. In that case, the photo triggered it, but in the others… it’s nothing.

It’s not a smell, it’s not an object, it’s not a taste… just randomly comes out.

Wanna hear something really interesting? It’s never the same flashback. It’s not like it’s on a loop circling around my head. I have it and then I won’t ever have it again… unless I force it, of course.

Some of them are happy, like the one I had about the kickball game. But most of them are really sad and tragic.

I know that if I sit through it, it’ll be done and I can move on. I never know when they’re coming and I don’t ever know which one it will be.

So I guess in a way, it’s a surprise?

Almost? Maybe? No?

If this is just me, I completely understand. I’m weird and, like I said, currently in a whirl.

But for now, I will re-live these little parts of my life again, and again, and again.

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