They Don’t Get It

Since becoming engaged, my world has suddenly become filled with all of these decisions, and appointments.

I’m visiting venues, looking at menus, talking about wedding colors, etc.

Now, I don’t want to say that as a child, I wanted some fairy tale wedding. I never was really into it, I guess. Don’t get me wrong, my Barbie got married and divorced several times. Once Ken came out with REAL HAIR, Barbie filed the papers citing irreconcilable differences. And yes, she got to keep the house and car.

As I grew up and really started experiencing life, and discovering the true meaning of ‘being in a relationship’, my ideas sort of shifted.

It no longer became about the wedding itself, but rather what the wedding represented. It was the commitment. It was the fact that you were deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone.

When I was younger, I didn’t really know what that meant. I don’t think any young person does. I was raised in the traditional Catholic way – you needed a husband to have a baby. Plain and simple.

However, I’ve never wanted to have kids. Even when I was younger. I had babydolls, but I had more Barbies instead. Even to this day it is a heavy discussion with my fiance.

So, naturally, as I grew up,  I started experiencing the world, and learned how different life really is. I learned that people divorce… a lot. I’ve been through a serious break-up, and I would never want to do that again… let alone more than three times.

I learned that the wedding is one day – the commitment is the rest of your life.

What happens after the honeymoon?

You go back to life. You have a different box to now check sometimes, and the boyfriend turned fiance turned wife has happened.

Okay – now what?

Everyone goes back to work, and the days continue to pass.

Taking all of this into consideration, when it came time to plan a “wedding”, I was sort of thinking, “well, let’s have like, 20 people there.”

Those words went right into my mom’s ear and came out the other side.

For my parents, the wedding is still ‘the big thing’. What started as something really small, has now expanded to this whole huge event and now, we’re looking at like, 180 people to come to the reception.

When did this all happen?!

The argument still goes back and forth between my mother and I. I keep telling her to cut the guest list (because this is HER guest list of course), and she insists that Aunt Mitzie must come.

I want the wedding to be with people who I actually know I’m related to, as opposed to being told they are my fourth cousin through my 3rd cousin, because they are my dad’s second cousin…

-_____-

 

The intimacy of the celebration has gone out the window.

Now, we’re figuring we might just elope.

The main disagreements I have with my mother are regarding traditions. It’s tradition to invite your 4th cousin! She came to Jane’s wedding!

“I don’t care whose wedding she went to, I don’t even know the woman from Eve!”

I have a vision in my mind of how I want that day to play out. It makes total sense, I promise you. But, when I try to lay it out for them to understand, they look at me like I have 4 heads. They aren’t even trying to understand WHY I’m going this route on things. They don’t even want to TRY to understand it.

They just don’t get me.

And I know kids say that all the time about their parents, but we are all adults and these decisions should be rather easy to make with the guidelines I want to follow.

What I’m afraid of the most, is that when the wedding day comes, it’s not going to be anything I wanted. It’s not going to look the way I want it, it’s not going to flow the way I want it to, and this is going to be the one and only (hopefully) day that I get married. I will have pictures capturing all of these details and decisions that weren’t made by me.

I have grown up to be a decent human being… at least I think so.

However, I’m not like my parents. I don’t share their views, I don’t understand their actions or reasons, and I don’t understand why they are no longer flexible.

Believe it or not, my education has really caused me to open my mind about things in life. I guess I’ve been raised to be more tolerant than them.

They refuse to even think of a different perspective. Meanwhile, that’s all I look for. I want to see things in different ways. So, if I’m seeing it one way, I want to know if someone is seeing it a different way.  I might end up liking it more.

It’s because of this, we will forever argue. They will not keep their mind open to the fact that things might be different than THEY want it to be. You might not like it, and you might not agree with it, but at least be open to it. We have over a YEAR to plan this… be open about everything. See things from my perspective.

But, they just don’t get it.

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