I always knew that, and it’s a hard life living with it.
I care about things I shouldn’t care about; I worry about things I shouldn’t worry about.
It’s my life.
But sometimes, I forget.
That’s when reality comes along and says, “Jess, just be done with it.”
And when I say reality, I mean my supervisor.
I was told today that I care way too much about my clients and I need to learn to let go.
“Just do your job and be done with it.”
I want to help these people out the best that I can, because if I were in their shoes, I would want someone fighting for me on the other end too.
I spend way too much time on clients and their orders.
And I have to stop.
Now, I can ACT like I don’t care, but deep down inside, I will care. And then I’ll feel bad, because I didn’t do what I thought was best for the situation. Instead, I did just enough to get the work done, and nothing more.
I’m not saying I have to be lazy, although to me, it sounds like it. But, there is a limit. There is a stopping point, and I have to get there…. emotionally.
I don’t know how to callus myself. I don’t know how to not have an emotional reaction. It’s just a knee-jerk response for me.
I have been told time, and time again, that I don’t know these people. They could have murdered someone. I don’t know that. They shouldn’t deserve immediate sympathy.
But how else am I supposed to go through life? Like a jerk? Or maybe just… civil. No emotion either way. Just… do what I’m told, don’t think about it too much, and get it done.
And then be done with it.
I should do nothing more than what’s expected and leave it at that. I’m not saying that I have to do this for the world, but at least for my work place.
Apparently this is common. “I used to be like you,” she said. “I used to care about these people, and want to do my absolute best for them. Then I realized, they put themselves in this situation. I can’t fix their problems; I can’t fix their situation. I just have to do what I need to do. Otherwise, I would never get any work done. I would be caring about too many people.”
Possibly, it’s just for efficiency then? Not thinking of these people as people, but rather just a name on a file. But even then, it’s not that easy.
People have grown attached to fictional characters. I mean, you begin rooting for Harry Potter to win. Harry Potter isn’t even real. But you feel like you know him, and who he is through a book.
When I see these files, and I hear about these people. I want to help them. Even though I don’t know them that much. I still want to lend a hand to help make their life better.
Then at least, I can have the satisfaction of knowing I did something good in someone’s life.
I can’t care about everyone though. I can’t care about the entire world, because when would I ever live my life? Why should someone else’s life affect me this much?
So though I may fail, I’m going to try to just do what I need to do.
And then just be done with it.