10 Reasons Why I Would Make a Terrible Spy

spy1. I am oblivious to the world around me. The majority of the time, I’m too lost in my world to be paying attention to someone else’s.

2. My memory sucks. I mean, it really sucks. I should start playing those brain games. As a spy, you need your memory to recall important information & data. Apparently my brain is too lazy to work.

3. I am clumsy. I have so many bruises on my body that I have no idea as to where they came from! I will walk into walls, fall up the stairs, and trip on pretty much anything and everything.

4. I don’t like cold weather. Spies have to work in all types of climates. If I’m in a frozen tundra attempting to do a ‘job’, best believe I will be complaining to someone!

5. I like naps. You cannot nap on the job while being a spy. If I have to sit and wait 5 hours for my target to walk out of a building, I will most likely nap through the entire opportunity.

6. I have a small bladder. I would be running to the restroom every 15 minutes. You see, I like coffee… and well, it’s a beverage, so… I’m going to have to have a restroom near by at all times.

7. I would lose most of my gadgets. I can barely find my glasses half the time, let alone keep track of where certain darts, bullets, or maps are in different, unfamiliar locations.

8. I have bad luck. I can guarantee you that even the simplest of requests would be incomplete, because I was stuck behind grandma in the line, and lost a visual, but when I go to search for my target, some random stranger will start asking me directions and I’ll get distracted.

9. I have ‘one of those faces’. Has anyone ever come up to you and say, “Oh, you look familiar. Do we know each other?” or “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”? No. Well, people do it to me… a lot. If I’m running around the country, chances are, I’m going to have a lot of people walk up to me and mistake me for someone else.

10. I am not flexible. I know people say you can become flexible by stretching. But not in my case. I have never in my life been flexible and I was both a cheerleader and gymnast at one point. Trust me. Not flexible.

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